Journal 6 - Going insane

I'm going out of my mind. It's been an entire day since my last post. I KNOW in my mind that I'm not pregnant but my heart wishes it so. I remember after finishing each part of the CPA exam I was ready to get my scores in the mail and had to wait a painful month and sometimes two until there was even a possibility of finding them in the mailbox. I prayed DAILY for passing scores and told the Lord that I had never wanted anything so bad in my life. In my heart, I'm back at the Saddlebrook mailbox only now I'm waiting on the digital readout of a pregnancy test. I did take one on Tuesday and it was negative again. It should not have been a disappointment but it was. I have to resign myself to another month of waiting, anticipating and possibly disappointment. But I can be prayerful in the meantime and happy knowing that the Lord knows the desires of my heart.