Definitely NOT pregnant. The happiness in that is that I didn't have to lie to Hilary or Leah when they asked if I was pregnant...since that's all they wanted for Christmas. Thinking of another month of exhausting expecting, hoping, possible disappointment is discouraging. Jonathan said this afternoon that I could buy an ovulation kit. I just have to remind myself that God's timing is perfect. Maybe Jonathan doesn't have to remind himself of that because he doesn't seem overly concerned or disappointed that we didn't get pregnant last month. He keeps saying that he looks forward to the next one though. After all of the holiday food I ate, I sure enough LOOK like I'm 3 or 4 months pregnant.
My biggest fear about having a second baby is not having enough time to spend concentrating on Ace. He is changing so fast and coming up with new things every day. I don't want to miss any of them. But the joy of experiencing it again is very enticing. He is the center of my earthly life (can't forget Jesus). How do I split that in two? Being a mother is heart-aching: my heart aches for every moment not spent with my child. Right now Ace is sleeping and I just want to be holding him. God is my father but I imagine that he feels the same for me. His heart must ache a lot with so many children. I guess that's why he wants eternity with us. I don't know if my heart can handle this kind of ache times two. I'm not being dramatic. It really does ache. In fact, that's how Ace says his name "A-che" (Acey).
Rambling...Here comes another month.
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