Journal 36 - Doctor's visit

Jonathan went with me to the OB yesterday. I was so nervous about what she would say. I just didn't want to hear that I could never have babies again. Instead, she said exactly the opposite. So far in the opposite direction that my feelings are confused again. She said that we probably just had a "blighted ovum." That's where the sperm just nicks the egg but there's no penetration. The egg thinks it's been fertilized so a sac forms and the pregnancy hormone is released. Boobs swell, naseau ensues, pregnancy test comes up positive...but there's really no baby. That explains why the ultra sound revealed a sac but no baby or heartbeat. So now what? There was never a baby in the first place. My body and heart just thought there was. So should I not be as sad because there wasn't a life lost? I guess it's supposed to make it easier. So I'll let it. She also said that the likelihood of it happening again is rare. I pray! I'm still bleeding and in some pain. According to the doctor, when I healed from Ace's c-section, some parts of the uterus attached to my scar (totally normal). So now, as my cervix contracts back to its normal size, the scar is making the contractions really sensitive. She expects the bleeding to stop soon. No exercise or you-know-what for me for two weeks after the bleeding stops. No trying to get pregnant again until after my cycle has returned to normal for about 2 months. Jonathan says he doesn't want to try again for awhile. He's scared to go through this again. My heart breaks for him. I'm not sure how to comfort him. I'm glad that he stayed home from work yesterday. He slept most of the afternoon. I just pray that God gives him the comfort that I have right now.