Today was Ace's 2nd birthday. Although it should bring me no end of happiness, as he took his afternoon nap today, I thought to myself, "2 years ago today was the happiest day of my life and 2 years from then is a really low point." I'm prayerful that 2 years from now, I will be rejoicing of how far I've come again. This time, in the happy direction.
I can't really allow myself to think of not having more babies. I'm anxious to get checked out by the doctor (scheduled for another ultrasound a week from Tuesday to check out a cyst - not expected to be anything). I won't even comment on bleeding because every time I say it's stopped, it starts again. Not being able to have any more babies is a fear in the back of my mind right now. Jonathan not wanting to have more babies is a really big fear. I don't want to push him right now but I'm craving the reassurance.
It was hard to have everyone leave today. Kind of takes the distractions away. It was fun to spend all afternoon with Ace and play and focus on him for his entire birthday. If he's all I'm ever meant to have, what a blessed gift he is. Nothing more to say tonight.
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