I haven't posted or even composed a post in a while. I was all ready to make this a forum to document my spiritual journey and then God said, "You want a journey? Here's some oceans to swim, there's some quicksand to tread and here's Mt. Kilmanjaro, let's hike." I'm afraid I'm not strong enough to share all of those pieces of my past few months, or rather, I don't want the opinions and gossip.
Better to start here, right now. God put me on his back to carry me out of the past few months and now for the future. Jonathan just told me last week that he is ready for another baby. WHAT?! I had given that desire to God in every way and really didn't expect to even have a hope of Jonathan saying he was ready for another year or so. BUT I did pray for it.
Without much time to enjoy Jonathan's change of heart, I got a weird bleed on Wednesday. I don't know what it was. It was just some random blood. I'm not supposed to start my period until next week and the bleeding stopped almost as soon as it started. I got really fatigued on my Saturday run and my boobs are super sensitive but I'm not buying a pregnancy test. I managed a 4 mile run with no problems on Wednesday.
My prayer is for peace and health. I don't want to be on the "am-I-pregnant-or-not" roller coaster and then the "can I carry this baby to term" worry that will come.
AND who ever created the word "miscarriage" as if I miss-carried the baby and that's why it didn't come to term. The term itself indicates a fault in me and I resent it.
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