Is the truth hard or am I soft?

This blog is where I say things that are too difficult to say in person but so therapeutic to release.

My Meme is wonderful. She is lively and uncensored. She tells inappropriate jokes, always dresses for a party, plays cards like a shark and ALWAYS has at least ten presents for everyone when she visits.

Right now, Meme is sick. She wants to be released from her pain and sickness so she's not eating. I don't understand this. My mom has tried to explain it but Christ keeps telling me that it's wrong. HE decides our time to go, not us. What if there is still a project left for her that she'll never get to do because she wants to check out? What if there's something left for her to teach me or Ace? Why can't I call her and tell her that Jesus loves her and that she has victory even in her sickness? I think it's most difficult for me because she's never talked to me about the Lord.

So here is my moment of faith. Why should I expect any of my family members to find my faith legitimate if I don't share it with them? If I REALLY believe no one goes to the Father except through Christ, then why am I not dialing their numbers every minute trying to convince them of Christ? I guess one answer is that I don't want to alienate them. Another is that I am so far from perfect that I don't want them to see me as a hypocrit and be turned off of Christianity (when, truth is, I struggle just like they do and berate myself more for my failings than they ever could). God respects their choices and loves them and so must I.

I don't believe church makes you "good" and I don't consider Christ to be a condiment on my life's sandwich - another thing to make it taste better. He is the CENTER of my life and invited into every thought and action. (I said "invited"...wish I could say "commander"...ahhhh, falling so short.) Anyway....

I love you Meme and I have prayed for you every single night for years I can't count. If you don't believe in Christ, I am not angry with God for not convincing you because he gave you free will. God is unwilling that any should perish. No matter what you believe, and how I WISH you would have told me, I love you in every way I know how. The other night, after we said his nighttime prayers, Ace said, "Dear Lord." and I said, "Save Meme." Ace said, "Save Brookelyn." and we went back and forth over all our family members. I guess God has given me a prayer partner.