Expectations

Something has finally clicked with me. Two years ago, Jonathan and I were in a community group that did a study called "I Marriage." The preacher talked about all of the expectations that you bring into a marriage and how they hamper your happiness. My thought at that time was, "I didn't have any false expectations when I got married because Jonathan and I dated four years before getting hitched. I knew what I was getting into."

I was SO wrong.

So here's my latest experiment with expectations. Every time I get upset about something, I translate it into terms of expectation and then evaluate whether those expectations are fair...

Jonathan didn't make the bed this morning.
I'm a little put out.
Translation: I'm a little miffed because I EXPECTED _____. Fill in the blank. In this case, I expected him to make the bed.
Is that reasonable??? Nope. I was IN the bed when he left for work!!!!!

Another example, let's turn the tables.
Jonathan's mad at me because I poured out his iced tea.
He EXPECTED me to leave it on the counter for him to drink later.
Is that reasonable? Well, that's for him to decide. It he considers the fact that he leaves his tea out every night and I was cleaning the kitchen, he probably won't be mad.
Or maybe he EXPECTED me to ask him if he was finished before throwing it out.
That's reasonable and a point to build on. I probably should have.

It's a really enlightening way to get to the bottom of why I'm mad or upset about something. It's really frightening how much I expect from people, unreasonably so.