Expectations

Something has finally clicked with me. Two years ago, Jonathan and I were in a community group that did a study called "I Marriage." The preacher talked about all of the expectations that you bring into a marriage and how they hamper your happiness. My thought at that time was, "I didn't have any false expectations when I got married because Jonathan and I dated four years before getting hitched. I knew what I was getting into."

I was SO wrong.

So here's my latest experiment with expectations. Every time I get upset about something, I translate it into terms of expectation and then evaluate whether those expectations are fair...

Jonathan didn't make the bed this morning.
I'm a little put out.
Translation: I'm a little miffed because I EXPECTED _____. Fill in the blank. In this case, I expected him to make the bed.
Is that reasonable??? Nope. I was IN the bed when he left for work!!!!!

Another example, let's turn the tables.
Jonathan's mad at me because I poured out his iced tea.
He EXPECTED me to leave it on the counter for him to drink later.
Is that reasonable? Well, that's for him to decide. It he considers the fact that he leaves his tea out every night and I was cleaning the kitchen, he probably won't be mad.
Or maybe he EXPECTED me to ask him if he was finished before throwing it out.
That's reasonable and a point to build on. I probably should have.

It's a really enlightening way to get to the bottom of why I'm mad or upset about something. It's really frightening how much I expect from people, unreasonably so.

Perspective

I find myself aggravated a lot over the littlest things: shoes in my way, dirty clothes on my side of the closet, a food spill left on the table. Satan tells me that these are signs I'm not loved; that Ace and Jonathan don't care about me and just leave things out and about for me to clean up. Satan tells me that I'm being taken advantage of.

Christ tells me that these are ways I can love my family, by picking up the items that tell me I have two loveable men in my house that are imperfect like he made them. Christ says I am a gift to them and their caretaker. If those little things were gone, it would mean the two people I love most in the world are gone.

Why can't I think more like Christ?
Trying to train my brain on a Thursday morning.

What's wrong with ME?!

I'm hoping confession (even just to my computer and the few readers that know about this blog) will get rid of these thoughts that are just beating me up lately. You know how Paul lamented that he did things he didn't want to do. That's me and my thought life. First it was the loving love (previous post). Now it's the crazy longing for high school...I know, I've LOST my mind. Maybe it's just because my ten year reunion was in October. One of the reasons I didn't go was because I have been having these absurd feelings like I wish I was back in high school and I didn't want to feed them. I feel so silly even talking about it but one thing I've learned this year (thank you Brittany and Kate for teaching me) is that talking about silly things that you fear takes the power away from them. I fear most that this is such a sign of immaturity in me. I fear it's a foothold for Satan. I wish I could squeeze these feelings out and put them down my kitchen disposal and grind them up. They are FOOLISH and I fear that makes me a fool. Does my hatred of these thoughts count for anything?

Lord, please take each thought captive. Let this confession loose their hold on me. I want contentment in my present circumstances more than anything.