A Little Lime

This is the size of Baby #2 today.

Funny that this is Jonathan's favorite fruit.

He puts lime in his coke, in his guacamole, in our tortilla soup.

He will tell you everything tastes better with lime.

Apparently he's taken it too far!

Navigating Old Posts

I have been posting to this blog for months now without actually publishing the posts. I wanted to document the journey and my feelings but I didn't want to share until the first trimester was over and we'd told our parents. So, if you want to distinguish the previously-unpublished posts from the ones you've seen before, look for the dark-green font. I tried to make them easy to identify. There are a bunch of them.



Happy reading of my diary for the past couple of months. I hope you see God's faithfulness and my complete and total weakness and reliance on him. I don't know that my sanity would be intact without my Savior these past months.

It's Killing Me!

It's killing me, keeping this a secret now that we've decided to tell everyone! Why can't Jonathan be home tonight?!


I've already drafted a funny e-mail message to tell all of my co-workers. It says that we are "expanding" the Houston Office and I'm getting a full-time co-worker in late July or early August.


I've started the second trimester. Yippee.


I've got the ultrasound photos on my desk and keep glancing through them with a silly smile on my face. I'm just sooo in love. I wish I was Katie Holmes and my husband had purchased a personal ultrasound machine for me (but I don't want to be married to Tom Cruise...doubt he'd go for me either).


I actually ordered a fetal heart monitor this morning. I'm just renting it for two months. I just got the email notification that it shipped so now more waiting for it to come.


My impatience MOUNTS!

The Best 5 Minutes

Here are photos of the best 5 minutes of my life in 2010 so far...

Here's a profile shot of baby #2.

Here's a closeup. What's really cool is that you can clearly see the umbilical cord and how it goes to the belly button.

Picture 3 is from when they took the baby's heartbeat. You can see at the bottom that it registered 146 bpm. Last week, it was 157 bpm.

This photo is the whole enchilada. The ultrasound tech thought that this picture upside-down was perfect.

Last photo shows an arm. She said that Baby #2 has five fingers. I had to smile at that because it echoed my prayers: five fingers, five toes (on each) and a whole heart with perfect little organs.

We must have had this ultrasound late. I was expecting a peanut (like with Ace) but this little one is much more developed.

I can't believe it only took 5 minutes. I could have stayed there watching this baby for hours. It was dancing, kicking, hiccupping, squirming, waving and all the rest. Lord help me when I start feeling this movement!

Trying to be patient

My excitement is getting the better of me.





I'm impatient for my appointment at noon (1 1/2 hours away) to get the ultrasound. And HOW will I be able to WORK after that?





I wanted to wait to get the photo to tell my parents and now I have to wait ANOTHER day because Jonathan won't be home tonight.





Jonathan wanted to go ahead and tell his parents last night but they didn't answer their phone.





This morning I asked Ace if he wanted me to bring him a picture of our baby and he got SOOO excited. I can't wait to see his reaction to the photo tonight.





Patience produces perserverance which leads to character......ah.......don't have much character right now.

One more day...

I'm itching with excitement. Only one more day until we FINALLY tell our families. I'll go in for my ultrasound tomorrow at noon and comes home with photos of the little peanut. I want to get past this last big step before the reveal. I've made up my mind to let Ace tell everyone, since he started by telling Jonathan. We are practing the phrase, "I'm going to be a big brother."





Can I just skip over the next 24 hours?





I thought I was showing last night but this morning whatever I saw was gone. Must have been the tortilla soup. I was so tired last night that I dozed off in bed with Ace watching monster trucks (let me emphasize how difficult that is: he screams every time a new truck comes on and constantly talks and jumps). Fatigue continues to be my biggest symptom.





Tomorrow, I can complain freely to everyone!

Not the only one!

So, I am not the only one having crazy dreams. Turns out, Ruthie is too.





Ruthie and I are less than two weeks apart in our due dates. And Emily is right in there with us. there are going to be a lot of August babies this year. Turns out, Ruthie is having crazy dreams just like me. Got to talk to Em and find out if she is too. Maybe we're all having the same gender.





I'm really excited to be so close in due date with these girls. It's fun when you are the only pregnant one, but it's way more fun to have someone who has their appointments on the same weeks that you do.





Talking to Ruthie yesterday convinced me (and then Jonathan) to go ahead and tell our parents. Mom and Dad are at an event tonight and Jonathan's parents are in Mississippi so we are going to wait just a little longer (until Tuesday probably when we have a photo) and then break the big news. It's a relief to know we don't have to keep the secret another month.





AND I can publish all of these posts I've been hiding!!!!

Intelligender

So, I just looked on my friend's blog and she took an Intelligender test to tell her the sex of her baby. Considering the Draino episode from my last pregnancy, I ordered one!!!!!





Last time...I had heard that peeing in Draino would tell you the gender. Instead of getting a urine sample and then combining the cup of Draino with the cup of urine, I actually peed directly into the Draino and it exploded. Not my proudest moment. I believe pregnancy was clouding my judgement at the time. Very thankful that Ace has no special needs as a result of my idiocy.





So, I figured this was a better alternative!!!! It should be here sometime next week.

Working out

I was sooooo looking forward to getting back to the gym, after all I haven't been since finding out we were pregnant back in November. I just didn't want to chance jiggling anything loose for lack of a better way to explain it. When I talked to the nurse practioner on Tuesday she said 'run, lift weights, bike, do whatever, just don't get your heart rate above 140 and don't get it up longer than 30 minutes.' So I went to the gym on Tuesday afternoon and hopped on the treadmill, did my walking warmup and set the pace to an easy 5.5....for 3 minutes!!!! My heart rate was up to 152 in no time and I couldn't even carry on a conversation.





SO disappointed.





Yesterday was a little better. I started off with just simple lunges and squats. I felt a little wobbly but I'm chalking that up to not doing them for three months. So I think I can return to the gym but goodbye running until November at the earliest (August + two months of recovery).





I am thankful that I didn't have any pains during or after to worry me. Maybe this way I can avoid the 50 pounds I gained with Ace.

Why keep waiting?

I'm having secrecy guilt this morning. If I'm truly 11 weeks right now and don't tell our families to the last week in February, I will be 16 weeks when they finally discover (if they haven't already) that we're almost halfway through this pregnancy! It will be the fastest pregnancy ever for them. Plus, they will only have to wait less than a month to find out what gender it is.





I'm torn.





Not telling everyone just made March so much easier for our families. I know that leaving the first trimester leaves a lot of risk behind. I know I should have more faith than this. Jonathan's been great about not pressuring me to tell anyone.





I just don't want them to feel hurt. But I think they'll understand.


More than that, I think they'll be shocked to know that we've kept a secret for four months. Anyone that knows us knows that Jonathan and I can't keep secrets to save our lives (if they are our own, that is).

Have to get it out

Second post in one day.





It's SOOOOO hard to sit here and concentrate on anything other than the sound of my precious miracle's heartbeat. WHY didn't I record it on my cellphone or take my camera to record the moment? (I'm telling myself that they wouldn't have let me do it anyways because of liability reasons.) I heard my strong heartbeat and then, it was like, a quick, tiny, "whoosh, whoosh, whoosh" and I just knew that there was another tiny life in my world. And I'm in love all over again. It's the kind of love I have for Ace...there's no unhappiness or sadness in it. Just a sunny, joyful love. And how much greater is God's love?





I just have to funnel my feelings somewhere and my computer is at my fingertips. So I'm funneling: excitement, relief, impatience, anxiety, joy, love and more relief. I'm praying for ten (if not twenty) perfect fingers, ten perfect toes, a heart without any holes, strong lungs, a full set of organs and a healthy baby with a spirit fashioned by God. It's a miracle I got all of those with Ace.





Being a mommy is the best thing in the world. Can't believe I'm lucky enough to get to do it again.

Tears of Relief

Though I had hoped to SEE the baby this morning, I HEARD a miracle instead...the heartbeat.





Last night, I had a very vivid dream of miscarrying in the doctor's office while waiting for my appointment. I woke up and just cried and cried tears of relief. When we heard the heartbeat, there were lots more tears of relief. There were a few tense minutes as the nurse searched around for the heartbeat and kept only finding mine. But she found it. A strong 155 beats per minute. It is the sweetest sound next to Ace's voice.





And I cannot describe Jonathan's face after hearing it. I think he was relieved and happy and excited and I think he'd been feeling some nerves as well. It just looked like he was lighter and happier. Or maybe he was glad he didn't have to sit in the doctor's office anymore (but I think it was the former)!





Baby, your little heartbeat has given me such happiness and stronger belief in the goodness of God. See you next week when Mommy goes to get your picture taken for the first time.





Ultrasound scheduled for 12noon on Tuesday.

Tomorrow's Big Appointment

I am anticipating tomorrow's appointment. I wish today would hurry up. I am waiting for the wash of relief I think I will feel when I see a little body in a womb on the screen and hear a heartbeat. Something is certainly sending me to the bathroom every hour during the night and sapping my energy.





I've had a lot of abdominal pain this past weekend which is increasing my stress level. I keep telling myself it's just a growing womb and hope the doctor will concur. Yesterday at Walmart I was almost in tears although the pain wasn't that bad. I'm just tired of being frightened and nervous. It really drains me.





I can't wait to hold that little black and white photo in my hands and pray over it and nickname it. I don't think I'll sleep much tonight. I'm about to start my list of questions for the doctor...





1. Can I work out? Should I be more careful having had a miscarriage?


2. Can I have a sip of wine at Girls' Weekend?


3. Can I keep taking my baths?


4. Is my c-section scar going to make my womb thin or susceptible to tearing/ endanger the baby?


5. Can they put me to sleep again for this c-section?


6. Advice on caffeine?


7. Craving goat cheese...


8. What is my due date?





And on and on and on. Gosh, did I learn nothing with my first pregnancy???


9 months from mid-November is...mid-August. Great...I avoid swimsuit season entirely.





Praying for peace and cessation of worries.

Opinions

So here's my struggle this week: Really believe that God's opinion of me is the only one that matters.

I think that I need to be AWARE of others' opinions because I don't want to lead anyone away from Christ (like if someone's opinion is that I'm a hypocrite) or unknowingly set a bad example (another's opinion is sometimes the only thing that can tell me my actions are off). My problem is, in being aware of another's opinion, it's really hard not to take their opinion of me and my actions personally.

I am not the sum of others' opinions. I am a creation of God.

I think everyone is entitled to their opinion and, Lord knows, everyone has one these days. I think people right now care more about having their opinion heard than the feelings of others. Maybe it's just my experience of the week that prompts that feeling.

My experiment: I'm going to try and only share my opinion when it's asked for (on non-trivial subjects, I will certainly share my opinions on trivial things...reality tv!). The exception will certainly be this blog.

Dreams

Does anyone have a faith-building reason for bad dreams? I know that great believers had prophetic dreams in the Old Testament and will again in the end times...but what about a reason for dreams right now that (hopefully) aren't prophetic?

In the past two weeks, in my dreams, I've been kidnapped, stabbed, in two airplane crashes, drowned, attacked, Jonathan has died and Ace has gone underwater enough to terrify me. Last night alone, in two different dreams I went down in a burning plane and one that crashed into the water. I've woken up shaking, crying and even trying to shout...which came out more of a moan and woke Jonathan up. Fortunately, he's willing to hold my hand so I can calm down and go back to sleep.

I've been praying against dreams and that I can get back to sleep once I've woken up. Any suggestions? This is really getting out of hand. I know faith is made perfect when we have no fear...my dreams have been making me live out every fear and they are still there. Just wanting some good sleep.

Appointment Scheduled

I did it.





I've really been putting off making that first OB appointment. Last time, it was really hard to cancel the appointment. That should be on the list of husband responsibilities in the even of something happenning to a baby. This morning, I called and called and called. They were supposed to start answering the phone at 8:30 and the answering service answered until a little after 9am. Just to put a little pressure on my faith I guess.





So we are set to go on January 19th, two weeks from now. Deep breath. What's a little more waiting, right? We made it through the holidays, we can do it. I'm excited that Jonathan is making time to go with me.